Posted by I had spent my life at war with my feelings. I fought them, suppressed them, and exploded from them, and nothing I tried ever worked. When my therapist suggested DBT, I was skeptical. I was not ready to embrace my emotions. I was just trying to survive them.
DBT was developed in the late 1980s by Dr. Marsha Linehan for people with borderline personality disorder. It is an evidence-based therapy that combines cognitive-behavioral techniques with mindfulness practices. The goal is to help people build a life worth living by balancing acceptance and change. I had spent my life trying to change everything about myself. DBT taught me that I had to accept some things first.
The first module I learned was mindfulness. I thought I already knew what mindfulness was. I had meditated before. But DBT mindfulness was different. It was about observing my thoughts and feelings without judging them. I learned to notice my emotions without being swept away by them. I learned to describe what I was feeling instead of acting on it. “I am feeling angry” became a fact, not a command.
The second module was distress tolerance. I had never learned how to survive a crisis without making it worse. When I felt overwhelmed, I used to lash out, shut down, or engage in self-destructive behaviors. DBT taught me skills to get through the moment without making things worse. I learned to distract myself, to self-soothe, and to ride out the wave of emotion instead of drowning in it. One skill I used repeatedly was the TIPP skill: changing my body temperature, intense exercise, paced breathing, and paired muscle relaxation.
The third module was emotion regulation. I had always thought my emotions were too big, too messy, too much. DBT taught me that emotions are not the enemy. They are signals. I learned to identify and label my emotions. I learned to reduce my vulnerability to intense emotions by taking care of my body and building positive experiences. I learned to act opposite to my emotional urges. When I wanted to isolate, I reached out. When I wanted to give up, I pushed forward.
The fourth module was interpersonal effectiveness. I had never learned how to ask for what I needed without feeling guilty or aggressive. DBT taught me to communicate clearly, to set boundaries, and to maintain self-respect while navigating relationships. I learned to use “I” statements, to practice assertiveness, and to balance my needs with others’ needs.
DBT was not a quick fix. It required weekly individual therapy, a weekly skills group, and daily practice between sessions. I kept a diary card to track my emotions and the skills I used. I had homework every week. It was hard work, but it was the first time I felt like I was making real progress.
If you struggle with intense emotions, relationship conflicts, or self-destructive behaviors, DBT might be the right approach for you. It is not about being perfect. It is about building a life that is worth living, one skill at a time. There is so much more to learn about DBT and emotional healing. Our website is filled with articles on skills, therapy approaches, and personal growth. Head over and explore, because change starts with the decision to try something new.
References
Linehan, M. M., et al. (2016). *Dialectical behavior therapy as treatment for borderline personality disorder*. *Psychiatric Clinics of North America*.
McMain, S. F., Korman, L. M., & Dimeff, L. A. (2015). *Dialectical behavior therapy: Current indications and unique elements*. *The Canadian Journal of Psychiatry*.
Stoffers-Winterling, J. M., et al. (2022). *Efficacy of dialectical behavior therapy in the treatment of borderline personality disorder: A systematic review*.
Cleveland Clinic. (2022, April 26). *Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT): What it is & purpose*.
Focus. (2005, June 30). *Dialectical behavior therapy for personality disorders*.